“Prayer is always the preface to blessing, and the forerunner to great mercies.” -Charles Spurgeon
Today I woke up out of a miserable night’s sleep to a planned day of fasting, after a weekend in God’s presence, and I felt a familiar weight. Now, this weight has graced me with its presence once before, and it preceded a time of misery and giving up. Today seemed to be our long overdue reunion, almost a challenge. Would I cede to the myriad of feelings and emotions that woke me out of my sleep? Feelings of worthlessness, failure, incompetence and above all, self-loathing?
After spending hours acknowledging God, the last thing I wanted was to speak to Him, sing to Him, or read about Him. The familiar phrase “I’m just never going to beat this” was at the tip of my tongue. And then I was reminded of the words Jesus spoke to me this past weekend from Galatians 6:9- And let us not be weary of well doing: for in due season we will reap a harvest if we faint not.
I’d like to tell you that you’re not a lost cause, and the Lord is rooting for you to succeed in your day to day battles, and you have already overcome because He has. If you’re anything like me, you pray and pray knowing your sins are forgiven, but you long for something more. But let me expound.
In Ezekiel chapter 36, God is giving His prophet instructions of what to tell His people, the Israelites. They have had years and years of oppression by various nations, and God is giving them hope that He would restore them, and punish those who plundered and fought them. He also went on to describe from verse 16 that the Israelites themselves were sinful and adulterous towards the Lord their God, and defiled their own land and caused others to profane God’s name. The part that broke my heart in two was verse 22. “Therefore say to the Israelites, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: It is not for your sake, people of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you have gone.'” Verse 32 “I want you to know that I am not doing this for your sake,declares the Sovereign Lord. Be ashamed and disgraced for your conduct, people of Israel!” I became angry reading this. Here was God promising to bring them back into right standing with them and make everything jolly good, but His reason hurt me. The questions that tormented my mind sang loudly…
Isn’t that the response you expect from Him, Rishona? Forgiveness with His heart far away? Here’s what you expect from Him, so why aren’t you happy? Is God restoring you only for the sake of His name? And then it hit me…
What is God’s forgiveness and mercy without His love as the motivation? The mercy of God is nothing to me without His love attached to it. While God is speaking to Ezekiel, pouring out His anger over His chosen people, yet mixing hope somewhere in there, verse 28 touches what I believe bothered God most- “Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God.” He wanted and still wants us to serve Him alone, not the idols we build for ourselves.
Now you can guess at this part my emotions are in a twist. Keep up people, I’m angry. God just admitted He’s only giving me this chance so others won’t cuss His name because I couldn’t keep it together. To be honest, He’s hurt by Israel’s and my adulterous tendencies in the face of His ceaseless faithfulness and love. His covenant at Mount. Sinai with Moses was based on the fact that He would be their God, and they would be His people, and they broke it.
And by some miracle I ended up in Zechariah chapter 8, crying my eyes out over verse 2. Here’s another prophet getting directions to prophecy over Israel (for real though, they played all day), and verse 2 says, “This is what the Lord Almighty says: I am very jealous for Zion; I am burning with jealousy for her.” But let’s keep this all in context, I know its a lot. Scoot back to chapter 7, and you’ll read about a group of people who sent some guys to ask the priests and prophets of the house of the Lord to ask God if they have to fast for the next few months like they do every year. (Remember, I woke up feeling crazy depressed on the day I planned to fast). These people fasted every year at different appointed times to commemorate different events in their history as a people. In Chapter 7:3, they asked if they should fast in the upcoming 5th month. Now tell me, if you fast every year for whatever reason, why exactly are you asking if you have to? If you have to you have to! And I immediately remembered all the times I woke up on a day I intended to fast, and thought, “God do I have to? Is it really necessary? I’m really bout to die though and mom made bake.”
The fifth month was a time of fasting that remembered the burning of the old temple, and the fast of the seventh month was meant to remember Gedaliah, a man appointed to take care of the remnant of Jews that lived in Babylon, yet another oppressed time for the Jews. And God put these men in their places from verse 5, saying that when they fasted, they weren’t even really fasting for Him, but in remembrance of things and people when He is the true gift to His people. He even called out their hardened hearts and deaf ears as it pertained to hearing him when he called out to them…verse 12 saying “…so the Lord Almighty was very angry.”
But praise be to God! Chapter 8 saved my heart from fainting away yall! And we’re back to Zechariah 8, where the hope he gives this time can’t touch what he gave last time. He starts to speak about His jealousy towards His chosen ones, wanting them for Himself and not wanting to share the pedestal with their lust, music, jewelry, or Christian Greys ever again. He lays down promise after promise, ten to be exact. Verse 11 says “But now I will not deal with the remnant of this people as I did in the past!” Isn’t that amazing! This time won’t be like the last! “The seed will grow well, the vine will yield its fruit, the ground will produce its crops, and the heavens will drop their dew…do not be afraid, but let your hands be strong.” Verse 14, “…Just as I had determined to bring disaster on you and showed no pity when your ancestors angered me,…so now I have determined to do good again to Jerusalem and Judah.” So not only was His heart tender towards them, and me, but He also promised seed that would be rooted and not stolen, and fruit, precious fruits of the Spirit.
I honestly believe God brought me to Ezekiel to show me the kind of relationship with Him i didn’t want AND didn’t have. I have, we have as believers, the kind of relationship where He is feeling towards us, jealous for us, loving us enough to cleanse us from our sins and plan great things for us! There is now no condemnation through Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). The relationship described in Zechariah is one of true hope. He has done good again by us, because of His love, and for no other reason. I see a pattern through scripture that when God becomes angry with His chosen ones, he can’t stay angry. His mercy outweighs it like chips versus apple pie. With cinnamon on top.
And for the icing on the cake…God spoke about what he wanted to see us doing, namely loving truth and peace, giving sound judgement in our courts, and speaking the truth to each other on an everyday basis. Verse 19. This is what the Lord Almighty says: The fasts of the fourth, fifth, seventh, and tenth months will become joyful and glad occasions and happy festivals for Judah. Therefore love truth and peace.” You know what that means! Joy to the fast, the Lord just spoke!
So God really tackled a set of my insecurities in just under two hours, and I wish you could see the smile on my face as I write this. I pray that in your darkest hour, you would set your misery before His face of mercy, like the good preacher says, and see the Joy of the Lord become your strength.
To better promises,
R.
Today I woke up out of a miserable night’s sleep to a planned day of fasting, after a weekend in God’s presence, and I felt a familiar weight. Now, this weight has graced me with its presence once before, and it preceded a time of misery and giving up. Today seemed to be our long overdue reunion, almost a challenge. Would I cede to the myriad of feelings and emotions that woke me out of my sleep? Feelings of worthlessness, failure, incompetence and above all, self-loathing?
After spending hours acknowledging God, the last thing I wanted was to speak to Him, sing to Him, or read about Him. The familiar phrase “I’m just never going to beat this” was at the tip of my tongue. And then I was reminded of the words Jesus spoke to me this past weekend from Galatians 6:9- And let us not be weary of well doing: for in due season we will reap a harvest if we faint not.
I’d like to tell you that you’re not a lost cause, and the Lord is rooting for you to succeed in your day to day battles, and you have already overcome because He has. If you’re anything like me, you pray and pray knowing your sins are forgiven, but you long for something more. But let me expound.
In Ezekiel chapter 36, God is giving His prophet instructions of what to tell His people, the Israelites. They have had years and years of oppression by various nations, and God is giving them hope that He would restore them, and punish those who plundered and fought them. He also went on to describe from verse 16 that the Israelites themselves were sinful and adulterous towards the Lord their God, and defiled their own land and caused others to profane God’s name. The part that broke my heart in two was verse 22. “Therefore say to the Israelites, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: It is not for your sake, people of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you have gone.'” Verse 32 “I want you to know that I am not doing this for your sake,declares the Sovereign Lord. Be ashamed and disgraced for your conduct, people of Israel!” I became angry reading this. Here was God promising to bring them back into right standing with them and make everything jolly good, but His reason hurt me. The questions that tormented my mind sang loudly…
Isn’t that the response you expect from Him, Rishona? Forgiveness with His heart far away? Here’s what you expect from Him, so why aren’t you happy? Is God restoring you only for the sake of His name? And then it hit me…
What is God’s forgiveness and mercy without His love as the motivation? The mercy of God is nothing to me without His love attached to it. While God is speaking to Ezekiel, pouring out His anger over His chosen people, yet mixing hope somewhere in there, verse 28 touches what I believe bothered God most- “Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God.” He wanted and still wants us to serve Him alone, not the idols we build for ourselves.
Now you can guess at this part my emotions are in a twist. Keep up people, I’m angry. God just admitted He’s only giving me this chance so others won’t cuss His name because I couldn’t keep it together. To be honest, He’s hurt by Israel’s and my adulterous tendencies in the face of His ceaseless faithfulness and love. His covenant at Mount. Sinai with Moses was based on the fact that He would be their God, and they would be His people, and they broke it.
And by some miracle I ended up in Zechariah chapter 8, crying my eyes out over verse 2. Here’s another prophet getting directions to prophecy over Israel (for real though, they played all day), and verse 2 says, “This is what the Lord Almighty says: I am very jealous for Zion; I am burning with jealousy for her.” But let’s keep this all in context, I know its a lot. Scoot back to chapter 7, and you’ll read about a group of people who sent some guys to ask the priests and prophets of the house of the Lord to ask God if they have to fast for the next few months like they do every year. (Remember, I woke up feeling crazy depressed on the day I planned to fast). These people fasted every year at different appointed times to commemorate different events in their history as a people. In Chapter 7:3, they asked if they should fast in the upcoming 5th month. Now tell me, if you fast every year for whatever reason, why exactly are you asking if you have to? If you have to you have to! And I immediately remembered all the times I woke up on a day I intended to fast, and thought, “God do I have to? Is it really necessary? I’m really bout to die though and mom made bake.”
The fifth month was a time of fasting that remembered the burning of the old temple, and the fast of the seventh month was meant to remember Gedaliah, a man appointed to take care of the remnant of Jews that lived in Babylon, yet another oppressed time for the Jews. And God put these men in their places from verse 5, saying that when they fasted, they weren’t even really fasting for Him, but in remembrance of things and people when He is the true gift to His people. He even called out their hardened hearts and deaf ears as it pertained to hearing him when he called out to them…verse 12 saying “…so the Lord Almighty was very angry.”
But praise be to God! Chapter 8 saved my heart from fainting away yall! And we’re back to Zechariah 8, where the hope he gives this time can’t touch what he gave last time. He starts to speak about His jealousy towards His chosen ones, wanting them for Himself and not wanting to share the pedestal with their lust, music, jewelry, or Christian Greys ever again. He lays down promise after promise, ten to be exact. Verse 11 says “But now I will not deal with the remnant of this people as I did in the past!” Isn’t that amazing! This time won’t be like the last! “The seed will grow well, the vine will yield its fruit, the ground will produce its crops, and the heavens will drop their dew…do not be afraid, but let your hands be strong.” Verse 14, “…Just as I had determined to bring disaster on you and showed no pity when your ancestors angered me,…so now I have determined to do good again to Jerusalem and Judah.” So not only was His heart tender towards them, and me, but He also promised seed that would be rooted and not stolen, and fruit, precious fruits of the Spirit.
I honestly believe God brought me to Ezekiel to show me the kind of relationship with Him i didn’t want AND didn’t have. I have, we have as believers, the kind of relationship where He is feeling towards us, jealous for us, loving us enough to cleanse us from our sins and plan great things for us! There is now no condemnation through Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). The relationship described in Zechariah is one of true hope. He has done good again by us, because of His love, and for no other reason. I see a pattern through scripture that when God becomes angry with His chosen ones, he can’t stay angry. His mercy outweighs it like chips versus apple pie. With cinnamon on top.
And for the icing on the cake…God spoke about what he wanted to see us doing, namely loving truth and peace, giving sound judgement in our courts, and speaking the truth to each other on an everyday basis. Verse 19. This is what the Lord Almighty says: The fasts of the fourth, fifth, seventh, and tenth months will become joyful and glad occasions and happy festivals for Judah. Therefore love truth and peace.” You know what that means! Joy to the fast, the Lord just spoke!
So God really tackled a set of my insecurities in just under two hours, and I wish you could see the smile on my face as I write this. I pray that in your darkest hour, you would set your misery before His face of mercy, like the good preacher says, and see the Joy of the Lord become your strength.
To better promises,
R.
