So as a second semester bible college student, the training wheels have come off. Things are in full swing and the notorious “dating = strongly discouraged” rule has been lifted! What’s that old Christian song lyric that applies here – “FREEEEDDDDOMMMMM REIGNS IN THIS PLACE!!!”?? :p Historically this has meant that people pair off like they’re away to the races in the hope of one day breeding like rabbits! Rules on PDA have to be reiterated. Whisperings and rumor mills work overdrive, significant looks and blown kisses skyrocket. All kidding aside however this hasn’t really been my experience so far… things are tame. FOR NOW anyway!
Still, as a youngish single person, I can tell you without a moments hesitation it’s on people’s minds! People gobble up books on marriage incorporated into our curriculum, they post articles on dating on their social media pages and people who are quite single and unmarried proudly trumpet their grandiose views on what dating ought to be.
Pardon my French but opinions on dating are a little like assholes – everyone has one! Which is, of course, fine. Anything so personal and life-impacting is BOUND to generate a passionate opinion or two. You may have deduced by now that I’m going to make what could be an ill-advised foray into this world… and as the aforementioned single youngish dude, I believe it goes without saying that anything I say can and will be used against me in the court of law… er, I mean, should be taken with a grain of salt! Whoops, made a little booboo there! ;)
So. You ready? Here goes – here’s Jonathan R. Burke’s *expert*, brilliant opinion on dating. *drumroll*
I think it’s high time we be less concerned with the appearances and more concerned with the heart. More about character. That means worrying a bit less whether the person is absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, always engaging in conversation, talented and put together with a good career. It means letting go of expectations they be a good kisser and good in bed. They have baggage? Dayuummmmmm son. GAME OVER right there! Oh wait, that’s right, YOU have baggage too! (Even if it’s just that you absolutely STUPID enough to believe you *don’t* have baggage) It’s not even how they make you feel – how they talk to you or that lil fluttering feeling you get in your heart when you see ‘em. Feelings pass…
Those things matter, and they play a role in attraction but here’s the thing – they don’t keep you around! They don’t make a relationship WORK.
More than half those things on that “list” can be LEARNED.
Here’s what, IMO, matters…
1) Does this person understand you, or at least TRY to do so?
2) Does this person make you feel comfortable enough to open up, to be brutally honest & vulnerable – and do they show a capacity to do the same themselves?
3) Does this person show both a willingness and a capacity to change?
4) Does this person share common values? If so, you have two options – do they openly support and pursue those values alongside you, or do they support you in doing so yourself?
That’s it. I really don’t view it as some extremely complicated formula. A lot of those skills can be learned too! The fact is, we can love a lot of different people. (Sorry if that makes me come off as cynical or “unromantic”… more on why I don’t think that *is* the case later!) We’re adaptable. We have a capacity for growth. And grow we do!
The person you *do* fall for WILL NOT be the same person in 50 years, 10 years, 5 years or even 5 months!
You just need to decide what you’re willing to put up with. What really truly matters to you. Is it important they tag along with you to ComicCon or your fishing trips? Does he have to lavish you with expensive gifts and jewelry? Do you value romance or stability? None of these things are an “either or” scenario, they’re just examples. We all have our non-negotiables. But a lot of time that list is bigger than it needs to be. A lot of the time our heads are in the sand.
Remember, love is a CHOICE. There are going to be days where the person drives you bat shit crazy. There are going to be days where you could write a freakin’ ballad about them. Through it all, it’s a choice. You choose to love em through thick and thin, through post-partum depression and baby spit up, through financial struggles and job losses, through laughter and tears… you choose to make it work. And that, my friends, is what I call TRUE ROMANCE. It’s not two perfectly put together people glossing over and hiding their faults and flaws under the veneer of dating, it’s two broken down, crazy people figuring out how to make it work. Doing what it takes. Sacrificing, changing, growing…
The question then becomes not so much “what are you looking for”but “what WON’T you stand for?”
And THAT friends, is all I have to say about THAT. My bus arrives and I have other things to do! As always, input, feedback, open ridicule and throwing of rotten veggies is welcomed… :)
Still, as a youngish single person, I can tell you without a moments hesitation it’s on people’s minds! People gobble up books on marriage incorporated into our curriculum, they post articles on dating on their social media pages and people who are quite single and unmarried proudly trumpet their grandiose views on what dating ought to be.
Pardon my French but opinions on dating are a little like assholes – everyone has one! Which is, of course, fine. Anything so personal and life-impacting is BOUND to generate a passionate opinion or two. You may have deduced by now that I’m going to make what could be an ill-advised foray into this world… and as the aforementioned single youngish dude, I believe it goes without saying that anything I say can and will be used against me in the court of law… er, I mean, should be taken with a grain of salt! Whoops, made a little booboo there! ;)
So. You ready? Here goes – here’s Jonathan R. Burke’s *expert*, brilliant opinion on dating. *drumroll*
I think it’s high time we be less concerned with the appearances and more concerned with the heart. More about character. That means worrying a bit less whether the person is absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, always engaging in conversation, talented and put together with a good career. It means letting go of expectations they be a good kisser and good in bed. They have baggage? Dayuummmmmm son. GAME OVER right there! Oh wait, that’s right, YOU have baggage too! (Even if it’s just that you absolutely STUPID enough to believe you *don’t* have baggage) It’s not even how they make you feel – how they talk to you or that lil fluttering feeling you get in your heart when you see ‘em. Feelings pass…
Those things matter, and they play a role in attraction but here’s the thing – they don’t keep you around! They don’t make a relationship WORK.
More than half those things on that “list” can be LEARNED.
Here’s what, IMO, matters…
1) Does this person understand you, or at least TRY to do so?
2) Does this person make you feel comfortable enough to open up, to be brutally honest & vulnerable – and do they show a capacity to do the same themselves?
3) Does this person show both a willingness and a capacity to change?
4) Does this person share common values? If so, you have two options – do they openly support and pursue those values alongside you, or do they support you in doing so yourself?
That’s it. I really don’t view it as some extremely complicated formula. A lot of those skills can be learned too! The fact is, we can love a lot of different people. (Sorry if that makes me come off as cynical or “unromantic”… more on why I don’t think that *is* the case later!) We’re adaptable. We have a capacity for growth. And grow we do!
The person you *do* fall for WILL NOT be the same person in 50 years, 10 years, 5 years or even 5 months!
You just need to decide what you’re willing to put up with. What really truly matters to you. Is it important they tag along with you to ComicCon or your fishing trips? Does he have to lavish you with expensive gifts and jewelry? Do you value romance or stability? None of these things are an “either or” scenario, they’re just examples. We all have our non-negotiables. But a lot of time that list is bigger than it needs to be. A lot of the time our heads are in the sand.
Remember, love is a CHOICE. There are going to be days where the person drives you bat shit crazy. There are going to be days where you could write a freakin’ ballad about them. Through it all, it’s a choice. You choose to love em through thick and thin, through post-partum depression and baby spit up, through financial struggles and job losses, through laughter and tears… you choose to make it work. And that, my friends, is what I call TRUE ROMANCE. It’s not two perfectly put together people glossing over and hiding their faults and flaws under the veneer of dating, it’s two broken down, crazy people figuring out how to make it work. Doing what it takes. Sacrificing, changing, growing…
The question then becomes not so much “what are you looking for”but “what WON’T you stand for?”
And THAT friends, is all I have to say about THAT. My bus arrives and I have other things to do! As always, input, feedback, open ridicule and throwing of rotten veggies is welcomed… :)
